You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
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