I can't watch pbs sober anymore
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
