My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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