The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
it hurts more in the daytime
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
