I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
You did what with his pubic hair?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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