roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
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