ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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