Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
They have beer where we have blood.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
