dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
