I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Houston, we have a blender
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
