You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
