Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I still have a little drunk in my system
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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