She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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