3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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