this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
