He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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