Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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