Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Randomize
