peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
