The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
He had one of those small greek statue penises
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
