my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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