i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
