well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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