I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
