She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
and she was petting her beer can
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Dignity is for republicans.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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