Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
