Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
