no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
