im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
You smell like stripper and shame
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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