well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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