dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize