better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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