he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
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its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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