That's when you crack a 10am beer
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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