11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
