i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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