Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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