its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
