bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
