I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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