OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize