we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
