Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
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