Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
