I want to make a zoo with you.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
