Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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