I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
