he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
