One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
