I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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