Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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