chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
