Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
fuck your aforementioned shoe
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
