I wish I could punch you in the face.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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