I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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