whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
