Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
