I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
