when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
