some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
