Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
