I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize