I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
