Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
