Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
