Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
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The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just put wine in my tea
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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