the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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