im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
