I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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